


Goodbye

by keepthekettleon



Series: ShHiatus Bingo Prompts (Team Red) [17]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is a ghost, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst and Tragedy, Even ghosts can die, Fic Graveyard, I AM SORRY, M/M, PSA: asking for a continuation is pretty much always making me write something worse, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR A CONTINUATION, ghost fic, if you wanted to imagine a happy ending DO NOT READ THIS, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 10:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14423109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepthekettleon/pseuds/keepthekettleon
Summary: ShHiatus Bingo (Team Red)Square: Graveyard Meeting (whoever manages to make this prompt fluffy, you have my respect, I am not one of those people)Magnus Bane is the justiciar at the court of Edom when two letters reach him.That same night, he rides back to Idris. Back to Alexander. Just to say goodbye.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT A HAPPY STORY
> 
> Okay, now that we got that out and I warned you, go ahead and read. I'm not really sorry for this, since I had a cute/fluffy/cracky idea planned for this, but then PEOPLE kept requesting a continuation of Comets, and now here we are. Don't blame me.

_Always, always just out of reach from my_  
_Over-frustrated, shameful hands_  
_And I_ never, _never expected that I_  
_Would ever, no never, take for granted our precious time_

* * *

“My lord. There’s a messenger waiting outside for you.”

Magnus turned away from the window. “Please, let him up and take care of his horse.” A few steps brought him to his desk where he sat down. It had been a long day, and Magnus couldn’t wait to get into bed. Sleeping had never been as peaceful as before, not ever since that one night. Or rather, since… well, since _then_. It’s hard to tell if the evening before was the one that ruined everything, or if it was the last night in Alec’s arms. Maybe it was the morning after, silently sneaking from the room like a thief, riding away without even a proper goodbye. He’d seen Alec standing there… his beautiful, strong, caring lover, there on the balcony, but he hadn’t dared to stare up, smile and blow a kiss. It would have been too obvious. Idris wasn’t ready for it.

And now, ten years later, it was almost impossible to go back. What would he even say to the man whom he had left so… shamefully.

There was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Magnus called, forcing himself out of thoughts. Back to business. Back to land distribution and heirship settlements and occasional important things. His life in the presence of Asmodeus. Stepfather extraordinaire. As long as Asmodeus was in Edom, his life was the embodiment of boredom.

The messenger stepped inside.”My Lord.” A deep bow. “I was sent to give you those two letters.” He placed two very different looking letters on the table. One was old and worn down at the edges, a kink fold in the middle like it had been stuffed into something too small for its size. The other was bright and new, only slightly worn down from the transport.

Magnus took them and looked at the messenger. “Do you have any further instructions from me, given to you by the addressor?”

“Yes.” The messenger hesitated for a second. “She wishes that you read her letter first. And she wanted me to extend her apologies. For not notifying you sooner.” He pointed at the newer letter. “That would be all. Everything else should be explained in her letter.”

“Thank you.” Magnus picked up the letters, making clear that the messenger was dismissed. He disappeared quietly, leaving Magnus alone with two mysterious letters in his hands. Both addressed to him, but in very different manners. One said ‘Dear Magnus’ at the front, the other ‘To Lord Magnus Bane of Edom’. And Magnus was supposed to read the formal one first.

He turned the letter around and froze. In red wax was a seal impressed that Magnus would have recognized anywhere. The royal seal of Idris. Alexander.

Magnus broke the seal, opening the letter.

> _To the Honorable Magnus Bane, Chief Justiciar of the Court of Edom, from Her Imperial and Royal Majesty, Isabelle, by the will of the Angel Queen of Idris._
> 
> _I appeal to your extraordinary strength of character, which I had the fortune to witness so many years ago myself, and in the light of recent events have come to appreciate even more, my lord, to not let the matter of this letter turn you ill minded towards me. You are a man of great compassion and justice, and I am convinced that this letter will not change that._
> 
> _I am well aware that it has been almost a decade since you have last visited Idris, or since we have last seen each other. There weren’t many who were aware of the intimacy of the relationship you had with my brother and my hand is shaking as I try to put into words what I have to tell you._
> 
> _My dear brother, King Alexander, passed away four months ago, and I beg of you to forgive me for only now giving you notice of this._

Magnus let the letter glide from his hands, tears springing into his eyes, sudden and bitter. For a few seconds, he tried to hold back, silent tears rolling down his cheeks, dropping on the paper. Alexander… his sweet, loyal, strong Alexander… was _gone_. Dead. And then the sobs wracked his body as he curled up over his desk. It had been ten years since he’d last seen his Alexander and still, it hurt like yesterday.

After what felt like hours, he finally picked up the letter again, his hands shaking.

> _When I took a look at his chambers, I found the letter that is supposed to reach you with this one. I have not opened it yet, since I suppose the content was never meant for my eyes. I am so very sorry. If you ever wish to visit his grave, you are welcome in Idris anytime._

Magnus put the letter aside. Obligatory farewell expressions weren’t really important to him right now. What was important was Alexander and what he had written to him. Without hesitation, he unfolded the letter, gentle and careful. This was all he would ever have from Alec. He wouldn’t ruin his last words.

> _My dear Magnus,_
> 
> _I doubt that this letter will ever reach you, but in case it ever does, thank you. Thank you for the time we had. I am too sick to leave my chambers, and the doctors say that my time is almost up. I often remember our time together, the kisses we shared and the laughter that made my duties easier._
> 
> _I know why you had to leave, and I would never hold it against you. Still, after all these years, the few weeks I had with you held many of my fondest memories up to this day. I miss you more as time passes on and even though I know I will never see you again, part of me wishes that I could._
> 
> _Maybe you don’t feel the same, maybe you moved on and this letter means nothing to you. In that case, I’m sorry. I did not wish to bring you pain or make you remember a chapter that is long over in your life._
> 
> _In any case, I am done lying. To myself or to anyone else. I love you, I always have._

Alec loved him. And Magnus was too late to say it back. “I love you too.” He still whispered into the emptiness of the room, knowing his words would never reach Alexander.

> _In love, forever_
> 
> _your Alexander_

Magnus carefully folded the letter again. He had cried all his tears before, and now, there were none left to cry, even as his heart felt like it was being stomped into the ground. He didn’t know how long he sat there, staring into the distance without seeing anything, memories of Alexander and him replaying in his head. Then he got up and grabbed his coat, tucking the letter into the inside pocket. He ran down the stairs and yelled to the stableboy to get his horse ready. Maybe sitting in his study, silently mourning the loss of the love of his life would be easier, but Magnus didn’t care. He had to go back, had to see for himself, had to sit down at Alec’s grave and cry. Yes, he had lived for a decade without Alexander, and there was no point denying that life would go on without him, but… Magnus didn’t want to sit in his house and silently move on. Not without saying goodbye. Even if it was too late for Alec to hear it now.

So he rode the roads back to Idris, the way he had left it ten years ago, as fast as he could, pushing his horse to the limit. It felt like he was riding to see Alexander, to meet him, to look him in the eyes and kiss him and… maybe this was it. Maybe part of him hoped to see Alec again, to hold him, touch him, love him. Even if he knew it was too late for that.

The guards at the palace opened the doors for him when he got off his horse and stated his name. And there it was, the palace he had spent his favourite hours in. The place Alexander no longer lived in.

Magnus turned away from the building, leaving his horse to the stableboy. He remembered when Alec had shown him their family grave and he knew where he had to go. Through beautiful, moonlit gardens, he made his way over to the mausoleum, his steps slowing down the closer he came. If he would look at it and see Alexander’s name there, this would be real, not just some awful dream.

The wind suddenly seemed cold, even for this late autumn night, and Magnus pulled his coat tighter around him, feeling the edges of Alec’s letter pricking his chest. And then, suddenly, a cry in the night.

“Magnus!”

Magnus turned around, trying to find whoever had called him. But the gardens were empty, except for the dark shadows of the hedges in the moonlight, like lonely figures in the night. “Hello?” Magnus whispered. “Who’s there?”

But only the rustling leaves answered him.

A cold shudder ran through Magnus. Something was wrong here. There was a clammy hand on his shoulder and he whirled around.

“Why did you ignore me?” Alec whispered.

Magnus just stared at him. That wasn’t possible. There was Alexander standing in front of him. “You’re dead…” He whispered back. “You’re dead. How are you here?”

Alec’s face was just as shocked as Magnus’. “I’m dead?”

Magnus reached out to cup Alec’s cheek, surprised to actually be able to touch him. His skin was icy cold and clammy, but Magnus was just so grateful that he got to touch Alec one more time. He gulped hard, softly stroking Alec’s cheekbone. “You wrote me a letter…” Magnus whispered. “It said that you were sick, dying. And you said that- that you love me. I just… I wanted to say that I love you too.”

He didn’t care if this was trickery, if someone was fooling him with this. Even if this wasn’t Alec, if the real Alexander was lying in a grave a few footsteps away, it didn’t matter. Magnus would have said it to an unmoving tombstone. Getting to say those words to Alec in person, or at least this apparition of him, was more than he had ever thought he would get.

“I’m sorry I left. You said you don’t blame me, but… I’m still sorry.”

Alec smiled a bit, mouthing a soft ‘I love you’, as he faded under Magnus’ touch.

Magnus’ hand fell to his side. It didn’t matter if it had been real as he knelt down at Alexander’s grave and cried. At least, he got to say goodbye.

* * *

 _Spent a lifetime of holding on just to let go_  
_I guess I'll spend another lifetime_  
_Searching for a new hope_


End file.
